I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
