I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
