Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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