i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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