oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Still dying that you shit outside
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
