He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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