you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
