i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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