He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
