This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
