Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
