there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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