doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I need moral support for this bender
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
