I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Randomize
