Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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