im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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