that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
