wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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