my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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