He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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