So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
