I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
