I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize