Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
