Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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