Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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