so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
