So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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