God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
