Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize
