Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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