He had one of those small greek statue penises
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
