My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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