Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
ugly people sure do ruin things
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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