so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
