Already got asked if we're dating
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
