It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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