He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
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Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
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Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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