I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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