Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I could fuck to npr.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
