I wish I could teleport
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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