How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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