Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
