were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
