He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
