I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I will be naked everywhere
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
