dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
