Will you blow on my dice?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
