no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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