i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.