Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.