Texts From Last Night

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  (310): View more from California

  I think I won the penis lottery.

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  (310): I think I won the penis lottery. http://tfl.nu/0aks
  Replies (33) Good night (5645) Bad night (648)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"

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  (503): my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal" http://tfl.nu/pkcw
  Replies (12) Good night (5432) Bad night (764)
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  (718): View more from New York

  You don't think I'm weird or immature right?

  (917): View more from New York City

  No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets

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  (718): You don't think I'm weird or immature right? (917): No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets http://tfl.nu/6cpc
  Replies (40) Good night (4782) Bad night (4031)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.

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  (203): i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german. http://tfl.nu/cfoz
  Replies (18) Good night (6824) Bad night (892)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.

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  (608): I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her. http://tfl.nu/mczp
  Replies (28) Good night (2760) Bad night (12221)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it

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  (678): He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it http://tfl.nu/jk9d
  Replies (18) Good night (9768) Bad night (1125)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I just found my coat check number in my underwear.

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  (203): I just found my coat check number in my underwear. http://tfl.nu/l4ok
  Replies (4) Good night (1864) Bad night (657)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.

  (1-941): View more from Florida

  Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.

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  (941): It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere. (1-941): Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine. http://tfl.nu/u4qq
  Replies (13) Good night (3337) Bad night (811)
• Favorite

  (867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

  I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly

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  (867): I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly http://tfl.nu/gz7h
  Replies (3) Good night (827) Bad night (1694)
• Favorite

  (424): View more from California

  You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.

  (1-424): View more from California

  The hell is wrong with me

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  (424): You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks. (1-424): The hell is wrong with me http://tfl.nu/smgq
  Replies (4) Good night (1268) Bad night (710)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...

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  (919): Why is there a condom in the dishwasher... http://tfl.nu/a7l1
  Replies (20) Good night (825) Bad night (1216)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with

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  (860): Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with http://tfl.nu/09mm
  Replies (5) Good night (1253) Bad night (571)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?

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  (717): Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic? http://tfl.nu/xm16
  Replies (7) Good night (584) Bad night (1158)
• Favorite

  (561): View more from Florida

  His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.

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  (561): His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger. http://tfl.nu/j2rh
  Replies (3) Good night (362) Bad night (1050)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.

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  (410): The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club. http://tfl.nu/ncu7
  Replies (0) Good night (430) Bad night (268)

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