Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
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In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
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I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.