so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?