I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart