I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I see more hoeing in ur future
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