Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
