if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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