IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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