I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
