I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
