he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
