I showed him my bush... on skype.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
