I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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