Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
