I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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