it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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