So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
