i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I need to calm my uterus...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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