I'm sorry my penis didn't work
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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