Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
