Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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