i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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