so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize