Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
