Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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