Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
