Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
