Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
