This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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