are you still at the devil's house?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
