Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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