I think I won the penis lottery.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
