butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
