Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
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This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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