You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
